i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
