You smell like stripper and shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize