More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
