btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
