Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
