How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
