So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
