In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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