at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish I could teleport
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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