Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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