I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
