There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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