And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
