Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
