my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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