Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
