I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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