i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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