My nipple is on Facebook.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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