If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
