I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize