barbara walters just said penis...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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