dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
