ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
