your thong is hanging out like whoa
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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