i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
