he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
