i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
