If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
