I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
