good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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