So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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