he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
