In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
