woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
