Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize