He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
