i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want nice things and good sex
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
