It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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