Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
