Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
