elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize