She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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