So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize