How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
