Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
