I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
