M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize