I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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