38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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