My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
