She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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