Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
