I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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