Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
