I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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