before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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