google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
