why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
