U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
