STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
