Welp...herpes.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
