you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
