Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
