nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
