I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
