he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
