lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize