Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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