ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
