I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
