I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently you make a good broom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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