Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
