Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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