in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
