He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
