I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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