and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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