The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
