Swine flu. Run for my life!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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