Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
