I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Randomize