Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
