i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
