My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
