perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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