my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
