I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
