fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
