none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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