She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
