Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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