You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize