I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
