Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He passed out mid-signature
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
