Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
