last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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