Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
