Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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