Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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