So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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