I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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