I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
